Faith in the Midst of Pain
December 20, 2007
This fast has been a whirlwind to say the least. My latest inspiration for considering faith is pain. For the last 5 days I have literally felt like crap.
I rarely get sick so the first day or so it was not problem. I mean don't get me wrong, my head hurt so much that thought I would crack and the chills and sore throat associated with flu were no joke.
But I thought to myself, "I never stay sick for long so I will get through this." Well, now that I am at day 5 I still feel bad though I no longer have a fever. But the painful sensations that I feel in my body have been a force for me to reckon with.
Throughout this physical dilemma, I have been thinking about what this fast is all about and wondering how I have created this reality that I work very diligently to not experience often.
I strive for health and usually don't worry too much about getting sick. So what in me needed this experience?
So much has gone through my mind. First of all I think about the reading that I did for myself regarding this Solstice time. It stated that there would be a lack of wisdom during this time largely due to lack of nurturance.
Last week I distinctly remember telling myself that I needed to drink more water. I got so dehydrated due to busy-ness that my back hurt. I increased my water intake but by the time I got rehyrdrated, I began to feel this sickness set in.
So I am in need of doing nurturing things for myself in light of this new busy life that I am leading. I chuckle at myself because on my vision board I wrote, "I am driven." Being driven is cool but there needs to be balance, which is what Maat, one of the deities that spoke to all of us regarding the fast, teaches.
BUT...there is something more because I got that lesson on the first day. One of the characteristics of this lack of well-being is a sore throat. My throat is so sore that I don't really want to talk.
For the last 6 months I have needed to be quiet and to seek more quiet time in meditation. For the next year the oracle stated that I need to be quiet. Have I been quiet during this fast? Heck no. But I made a public statement to some friends a few days ago and I now make it to you all so you can hold me accountable: I am going to talk less.
There is something that needs to take place in me, some maturing and growing up and it can only be done within the confines of silence. Please, hold me to this committment. I believe less talking will accelerate my growth.
I got that lesson around day 3. Again, this is day 5. What the heck!?!
So I sit down and just experience these painful sensations as is, trying to not judge them but seeing what they have to tell me.
That is when I begin to hear the words, "Do you have faith in the midst of pain?" Immediately I begin to cry. I begin to think about my mother who told me that she was in pain all the time once her cancer moved into her bones.
I began to think of so many people I meet day after day who say they live in chronic pain. All I could do is feel compassion for them. I began to cry and ask the Great Mother to relieve their pain knowing full well that I believe that we create our reality so those in pain...well there is a reason.
I decide to attempt to transcend the pain that I am feeling to raise my consciousness to a higher state and I be doggone, I DO! I think to myself that if a person chooses, they can use pain to transcend the physical realm.
In that state of pure consciousness I felt no pain. I remembered Abraham speaking through Esther Hicks say that there is only well being in the Universe. And in that moment I stood just that much more firmly in my faith in the Mother, in Source Energy, in the Abundance of the Universe.
As I write this I realize that in order for me to shift my perception from sickness to health, I need to go back into meditation.
I think I got it. I am ready to move on. And I move on with a deeper gratitude and respect for the health that I have. This has shown me how much I take my health for granted. No more. I am SO deeply grateful for my experience largely being that of well-being.
I give thanks. Ashe.
Advisability of posting blog as is: Auset Hetep
N.B. After writing this entry, I took my butt to a nurse practitioner, got my throat swabbed and found out that I had strep throat! I have taken the antibiotics for two days now and feel like I am back to myself. Thanks for all the prayers and well-wishes!