Standing at the Emotional Crossroads: Which way do I go?
This fast has caused a lot to come up for me. I stand at the emotional crossroads seeking to be happy, seeking to be joyful. This is a pivotal time for me as all of the false thoughts that i have clung to and focused on for so long are staring me dead in my face.
There is a movie that I have come to appreciate as a supreme example of transcending emotions and conditions in their midst and that is A Beautiful Mind.
Today what stands out for me in this movie is that the schizophrenic voices of John Nash did not leave, ever. He simply shifted his attention from them to other parts of his life, such as his passion for mathematics.
So often, I have run when the going gets tough. It is amazing to me how I often feel like I have to feel good in order to get to where I am going.
Sometimes it is just about keeping on the straight in narrow toward my goal in spite of negative thoughts and fear.
At some point I have to stop running from that which I desire. I can't know all of the how's. I won't always feel certain but I will never know the fullness of myself if I don't keep going.
"Do at least one thing a day that scares you!"
Just in this moment I am remembering a lesson from my past. When I was in graduate school, I realized that I am good at statistics. I even found out that I could get a statistics minor. To be honest with you it never occurred to me that I was a natural at this subject. And to minor in statistics....I felt uncertain. This was unchartered territory for me.
But my inner knowingness knew that I needed to take on this challenge. I remember telling my mother that I was minoring in statistics because I was afraid to do so and I needed to know that I could complete these classes successfully.
As a result, I finished as one of only a handful of people in my graduate school department ever with a statistics minor.
I had this lesson long ago because I needed this reminder today. The best thing I can do is to be, think, say and do all that I desire even if I am uncertain of how it will all happen.
Here are some of my inner conversations at the my emotional crossroads:
EGO: I worry that I will fail.
Tirra the Light: So what. I am moving forward in my dreams despite.
EGO: I don't feel that I have ever done anything great.
Tirra the Light: So what. "Great" is a perspective so if I declare my life as great, then so it is.
EGO: Are you sure you are doing this right?
Tirra the Light: I am sure that I have done it wrong with wrong thinking. So with right thinking, let me see where I land.
EGO: Worry gets results.
Tirra the Light: That's a lie. Operating according to universal law gets results.
EGO: What do others think of you?
Tirra the Light: I don't know. I am too busy enjoying myself to notice what others think of me.
This ping pong like dialogue may occur for a while in the beginning, but I know that eventually it will settle down.
Sometimes standing up to emotions that you see as the boogie man is frightening. But most of us know that the boogie man only exists in the mind. To some children, the boogie man is truly real...just like these emotions. They seem so real, alive and breathing that we feel we MUST act on them or worse, BE THEM.
But that is just not true. And when you have an emotion that is so much a part of you that you never considered that you could be anything different, you may not know exactly how to move past it.
What I say is ignore it anyway. Move toward that which you desire anyway. There is no way that we can master ourselves and our lives if we continue to allow emotions to dictate the truth of who we are and our energetic vibration.
Don't ever get it twisted: You CHOOSE your emotions. You are not your emotions but you get to choose each and every one of them.
So choose to ignore those that don't feel good and lead to problems and CHOOSE the emotions that assist you in feeling in alignment with the life you desire.