A "Strange" Tribute to My Mother
b. 2/28/1947, d. 5/8/1997
May 7, 2009
It is strange. It is strange how time changes the way you see things. My mother made her transition out of this physical realm 12 years ago. I remember it like it was yesterday.
As a matter of fact, I was with her when she breathed her last breath. Yep, I was the chosen one. I was the appointed one. It was a kairos moment.
As the years passed I struggled with pretty heavy grief from February, which is her birth month, through Mother's Day. She died the Thursday before Mother's Day. However, once I had children, my grief periods shortened and were less intensive.
But this is what is strange, I noticed that I felt no grief during February this year. None. Maybe I was a little uncomfortable near her birthday but for the most part, I felt okay, really good and normal at that time.
Just this past Sunday, I had the strangest thought come to me. You see I am on a spiritual journey that has led me to a place where I have experienced the ultimate: a deep and abiding Divine Sacred Union between myself and the Great Divine. I feel so whole and complete when I walk in the truth that I am always connected to God/The Great Mother.
And it is because of this new awareness that I feel no lack. I do not feel that there is anything or anyone missing in my life. It is an odd place to be when you fear the loss of nothing because you realize that the only reality is God/Source Energy/The Great Mother.
So on Sunday, the strange thought was this:
"I feel so whole and complete in the Divine. As a result, I feel totally connected to my mother because we are all whole, complete and connected in the Divine. And this is so real and true for me that I don't have any grief whatsoever as I get closer to May 8, the anniversary of the day she made her transition. As a matter of fact, I am excited for her and hoping that she learns all the neat nuances about the other side so she can help me jump into the afterlife just that much more quickly and easily."
"Wow," was all I could think afterward. Truly it was a moment of bliss and joy.
BUT...for some reason, my 5 year old has been asking me about his Grandma Lillie. Tonight, the eve of her death date, he has asked some pretty poignant questions and has expressed a fear of death.
I had to ponder why he was asking all of these questions before it came to me that May 8 is pretty much here. He must sense it because to my knowledge, he does not know the exact date of her death.
So it has caused me to finally take a moment to realize...the love for a mother is real. Though I no longer grieve my mother not being in the physical anymore, it does not diminish the love that I have for her in anyway. Truly, I feel a deep, deep love in my soul and I just had to write in honor of my beautiful dear sweet mother, Lillie.
Mama, I hope you rest in peace but have lots of fun while you are doing so.
And because I am so comfortable with death, I feel compelled to share this word in case someone needs to hear it: Death is a part of life. It is what happens. There is a process that we all have to go through: the dying and those left behind. This is good and normal.
What I have learned in all these years of processing my mother's transition and my spiritual growth is that the fewer attachments we have in life and the wider our awareness of God/The Great Mother/The Divine is, the less we fear death.
I told my son something like this because of his expressed fear of death. But as long as we learn from death and celebrate the life of the one who has moved on, then maybe we all will begin to live differently. As a wise sage often says, we will stop living in a horizontal fashion and live life vertically. Are you feeling me?
For those who have read my writing for a while now, this is not the usual touchy feely writing that comes through me at this time of year. But it is a word and hopefully a gift to someone who needs a different view. Life is so much better when we live in allowance and acceptance.
Once again, I give thanks for the soul so called Lillie for she continues to teach me even from the other side.
Thanks to all who have shared in this celebration by reading these words.